1. Teenagers mulling about and taking up pretty much the entire sidewalk. We had to dodge carefully around them, because they sure as hell weren’t moving – except the one boy rolling around on his skateboard. Still, as we passed, DD loudly said, “Way to take up the WHOLE sidewalk!” One of the teens responded, “Sorry!” and another answered, “Oh, okay.” So maybe all is not lost for the future?
2. Salespeople who pounce on you the moment you enter the shop. I appreciate your eagerness to be of service, but really, can I bloody LOOK at your merchandise first?!? I may or may not spot something I like that I may or may not need your help with, but you’ve got to let me see what you’ve got before I get to that point. No, I’m not (entirely) anti-social, but give me a couple of minutes on my own, will ya?!
3. Drivers who just HAVE to have THAT particular parking spot, even though traffic is backing way up behind them as they wait for the driver in THAT particular spot to fish their car keys out of one of seventeen possible purse or pant pockets, to figure out how to use said keys to unlock the car door, to painstakingly get into the driver seat, to arrange their packages on the passenger seat beside them then to realize that they would really rather have those packages in the trunk so out they get in order to load their trunk with the packages, to slam the trunk lid and to return to the driver seat, to start the engine and let it “warm up” a minute or two, to oh-so-slowly-and-safely back out of THAT particular parking spot, to sit there for another minute as they fumble with the gear shift in order to get the car into drive, and to finally drive off. By this time, the line of waiting cars behind you is to the other end of the carpark. But you HAD to have THAT particular spot, despite the fact that if you had driven just a bit further, there were literally dozens of empty spots. You’re just an idiot.
4. Most sale items in shops being either incredibly ugly or not my size. I am a size medium. So are a whole lot of women on the planet. Wouldn’t you think that stocking a whole lot of medium items in your shop might be a good plan, that you might get a lot of business from those size medium women? Of COURSE you have to put the XXXS items on sale now! There’s like two women in the country that wear that size – and trust me, neither of them want that hideous baby-poo coloured pair of cropped corduroy pants anyway! You’re STILL not going to get rid of it, even if you mark it down 100%. So don’t advertise your incredible “SALE” all over your store. You either don’t have my size or I hate your sale merchandise. That’s not much of a sale in my book.
5. When you need new panties and you’d like to try them on first, you’re supposed to leave your old panties on while you do so, for health reasons. I get that, I really do, but come on! How the hell can I tell whether or not the panties actually fit me when I’m now wearing two pairs?!? So I end up basically guessing and if I buy the panties, then get them home and put them on alone and they end up not fitting very well at all, I CAN’T RETURN THEM, for – you got it! – health reasons! What a racket! I might as well just toss ten-dollar bills down the toilet, because I’ve just spent money on panties that I won’t wear because they don’t fit, and they don’t fit because I couldn’t try them on properly in the shop, and I can’t return them to get my money back – for health reasons. I’ll give you health reasons …
6. Loud music in shops. Let me say this as clearly and succinctly as I can: Turn. Down. The. Fucking. Volume. Even if I liked your musical selection (which is rare indeed), I most emphatically do NOT want to hear it at a decibel level approaching that of a jet engine. I am in your store to SHOP, not to attend a concert. Maybe I am with someone, someone to whom I might wish to speak. Perhaps I have a question to ask a salesperson in your shop. Maybe my own mobile is ringing and it’s an important call that I have been waiting for all day. But I WILL NEVER KNOW THESE THINGS, because the music in your store is too loud! But that’s okay. One day soon, your hearing will be so damaged that you won’t hear it anyway. Better start learning to sign.