How do people do this? How do they work and take care of their homes and families and deal with a parent in the hospital? I’m wearing down, and it’s only been six days and I’m on Spring Break and not even working right now.
I feel like there’s a lot of pressure, lots of responsibility on me. I guess there is, but I also think I may put it there myself. I’m trying to be a “good daughter”, and I know my mom appreciates that I’m there every day. After all, she was my role model when my dad had his first stroke: she was at his bedside every day. I am assuming that she expects that of me, but maybe she doesn’t. She has encouraged me to do what I need to do, be it go to the hairdresser, to PG’s place to watch a hockey game, or simply sleep in till noon. She has said that she doesn’t need me to be there all the time.
I mean, she’s pretty busy herself. She’s got two therapy sessions a day, which tire her out, so she’s resting a fair bit. She’s working hard at regaining as much mobility as she can so that she can go home. In addition, it takes her a long time to get to and then use the bathroom. She’s also got books to read, word search puzzles to do, TV programs to watch. There’s three square meals a day for her to eat. It’s not like she’s sitting there pining for visitors all day long.
But I feel like I need to be there every day, for myself. I need to know what’s going on, how Mom is doing, what progress she’s made. I need information. It’s hard for me to deal if I don’t know much about a situation. Plus, I am the go-to person for everyone in our extended family. I have spent hours on the phone with aunts, uncles and cousins, and have given my phone number to everyone if they have any questions. I have emailed and texted my brother, sister-in-law, DD, PG, and few other close friends pretty much non-stop since this all began last Thursday.
I suppose I have been running on adrenaline since Thursday. And now I am tired. Even Mom told me I looked tired today. I am sleeping well at night, but I guess I need even more. And what I really crave right now is time alone, just for me, without any pressing issues to take care of.
So I am going out for lunch with my gal pals tomorrow. We will eat and drink and laugh and I will feel loved and supported in the way that only my good friends can do.
And then I will carry on.