PG has bought himself a new car. A “winter” car. It seems that Porsches, even Porsches equipped with snow tires, are not the best vehicles for driving during the winter months.
You see, though we don’t always get snow around here, it does rain in the winter and temperatures can drop low enough for conditions to be slippery. Lots of people don’t pay attention to this because they drive four-wheel-drive SUVs and so they believe themselves to be invincible. However, even a four-wheel-drive cannot stop properly when the road is frosty, so there are a lot more accidents and fender-benders than there should be, due to those idiots.
But PG is not one of them. He has taken lots of driving courses on race tracks, so he is actually very skilled at operating a car in pretty much any weather. Still, even he recognizes the limits of a performance vehicle during less-than-optimal conditions and has taken steps to make the roads safer. He will now park his Porsche all winter long and drive his new car.
And what did he purchase, you ask? Well, let’s just start by saying that it cost him 400$. So you know it’s not brand new. How not brand new? It’s a 1986 Chrysler Fifth Avenue, and is actually in very good shape. The car was previously owned by an elderly man who loved it and had nothing but time and money to lavish on the thing. Everything still works flawlessly, from the power windows to the air conditioning to the automatic transmission. There are only a few dents and scrapes on it, most of which look to have been spray-painted after being filled in with silly putty. That man also loved it so much that he put in a backup buzzer. Yes. This car has a back-up buzzer. Like a delivery truck.
This car is white with a red velour interior. It’s a red velour nightmare. It is huge. It is square, with lots of sharp corners inside and out. Lots of shiny chrome, too.
And if I am crafty enough, I will never have to ride in it.