I was in my local craft store last night, doing a bit of shopping. Now, before you get all excited, let me immediately reassure you that I am NOT crafty at all. I mean, I don’t DO crafts. One of the last times I even attempted a craft was that shitty macramé plant hanger that I made when I was a teenager in the 70s. Oh – and in the 80s I briefly tried embroidery and hooking rugs, both of which were tragic mistakes. Since then, nothing craftish has crossed my threshold. I am simply missing that gene.
But I was there for my kids. The ones I teach, I mean. They had requested some different colour stamp pads, orange and green in particular. And of course, that would be far too outlandish an item for a school to supply, and of course if I ordered them through one of the “approved” school suppliers, they would certainly not supply orange or green, only regulation black. Maybe dark blue, in a pinch. But orange and green? No way. That’s for subversives!
So I was left to my own devices and I headed to the craft store. I quickly found my orange and green stamp pads, and also a cute little stamp of the sun to add to my collection – although I don’t know why I even bothered. The only stamps those kids like are the dragon and Pegasus. Once in a while the unicorn gets an outing, but really, it’s all about the dragon and Pegasus.
I also picked up a book of stickers, for those kids who are too fastidious to allow their hands to be stamped with the dragon or Pegasus, even if the ink is orange or green. I also needed to get a sheet of felt to reline the bottom of the inside of my tea cozy. My tea cozy is amazing and it looks like this:
I can carry it around with me, and it’s so well-insulated that sometimes the teapot’s handle is too hot to touch. The top clasp opens up and the teapot sits inside on what I think is a thick cardboard bottom, which is covered with a piece of white felt (more insulation, I guess). Over time, this piece of felt has become stained with tea (why was white felt ever put in there in the first place?), so I thought I might replace that ratty felt with something darker that wouldn’t show the tea stains. And that’s why I needed a sheet of felt. I picked a dark green.
Anyway, all this exposure to crafting supplies must have weakened my bladder or something, because suddenly I had to go to the bathroom really badly. At my age and after having a baby once upon a time, right now means RIGHT NOW. Fortunately, this store has lovely bathroom facilities way at the back, so off I went.
I did what I had to do, then as I was flushing the toilet, I actually read the sign on the wall above said toilet. It tickled my fancy so much that I pulled my phone out and took a photo of it, chortling dementedly to myself. (Good thing I was alone in the bathroom.)
And now I can’t download that photo to show you here! You’ll just have to make do with me typing the words from that sign here: When using the toilet, please do not throw anything that could block it.
So I guess that means that once I’ve finished peeing, then and only then I can start throwing things around? Things like my purse, or my shoes, or some rolls of toilet paper? Maybe a football? A bag of garbage? How about a small child? I bet a small child would block a toilet quite handily. Some small children like to be thrown around.
I left the store with my purchases, still giggling insanely. It’s a good thing I don’t do crafts, because they may not let me back in.