Craftily yours, Pinklea

I was in my local craft store last night, doing a bit of shopping. Now, before you get all excited, let me immediately reassure you that I am NOT crafty at all. I mean, I don’t DO crafts. One of the last times I even attempted a craft was that shitty macramé plant hanger that I made when I was a teenager in the 70s. Oh – and in the 80s I briefly tried embroidery and hooking rugs, both of which were tragic mistakes. Since then, nothing craftish has crossed my threshold. I am simply missing that gene.

But I was there for my kids. The ones I teach, I mean. They had requested some different colour stamp pads, orange and green in particular. And of course, that would be far too outlandish an item for a school to supply, and of course if I ordered them through one of the “approved” school suppliers, they would certainly not supply orange or green, only regulation black. Maybe dark blue, in a pinch. But orange and green? No way. That’s for subversives!

So I was left to my own devices and I headed to the craft store. I quickly found my orange and green stamp pads, and also a cute little stamp of the sun to add to my collection – although I don’t know why I even bothered. The only stamps those kids like are the dragon and Pegasus. Once in a while the unicorn gets an outing, but really, it’s all about the dragon and Pegasus.

I also picked up a book of stickers, for those kids who are too fastidious to allow their hands to be stamped with the dragon or Pegasus, even if the ink is orange or green. I also needed to get a sheet of felt to reline the bottom of the inside of my tea cozy. My tea cozy is amazing and it looks like this:
I can carry it around with me, and it’s so well-insulated that sometimes the teapot’s handle is too hot to touch. The top clasp opens up and the teapot sits inside on what I think is a thick cardboard bottom, which is covered with a piece of white felt (more insulation, I guess). Over time, this piece of felt has become stained with tea (why was white felt ever put in there in the first place?), so I thought I might replace that ratty felt with something darker that wouldn’t show the tea stains. And that’s why I needed a sheet of felt. I picked a dark green.

Anyway, all this exposure to crafting supplies must have weakened my bladder or something, because suddenly I had to go to the bathroom really badly. At my age and after having a baby once upon a time, right now means RIGHT NOW. Fortunately, this store has lovely bathroom facilities way at the back, so off I went.

I did what I had to do, then as I was flushing the toilet, I actually read the sign on the wall above said toilet. It tickled my fancy so much that I pulled my phone out and took a photo of it, chortling dementedly to myself. (Good thing I was alone in the bathroom.)

And now I can’t download that photo to show you here! You’ll just have to make do with me typing the words from that sign here: When using the toilet, please do not throw anything that could block it.

So I guess that means that once I’ve finished peeing, then and only then I can start throwing things around? Things like my purse, or my shoes, or some rolls of toilet paper? Maybe a football? A bag of garbage? How about a small child? I bet a small child would block a toilet quite handily. Some small children like to be thrown around.

I left the store with my purchases, still giggling insanely. It’s a good thing I don’t do crafts, because they may not let me back in.

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6 responses to “Craftily yours, Pinklea

  1. I’m not crafty either, but I do enjoy walking around in craft stores seeing what’s available and being amazed at what is. It boggles the mind and almost makes me wish I was crafty.

    You have a good tea cozy. I’m glad you are treasuring it.

    • Nora – I believe my tea cozy was either made in the Netherlands, or else was originally designed there and then copied here. Have you ever seen a similar one around your area?

  2. Better to have giggled insanely ‘after’ rather than before, judging from your story. I’m glad you are not crafty. That wouldn’t be in keeping with familty loathings, which include macrame, tie-dye, batik and any other thing that rank amateurs in days of yore thought they could accomplish, like the ubiquitous beige/vomit colored misshapen pottery from the home kiln. Buy things, folks. Good for the economy and doesn’t assail the sensitive.
    Fun story, my sister.

    • mrwriteon – Ooooooh – tie dye! That’s something that I desperately wanted to do when I was a pre-teen because I thought it was SO COOL. I never did do it (can you imagine the mess I would have made?!) – you must have stopped me, brother dear.

  3. Well at least you have a craft store when it’s needed. In my case, the closest Michael’s is in Ottawa…

    • Jazz – So do they think that nobody in Montréal does crafts?? (And why am I, craftless as I generally am, expressing outrage that there is no Michael’s in Montréal anyway?)