Recently, my attention was brought to this website that purports to analyze your writing and tell you which famous author your style resembles.
Cool, I thought. I’m an okay writer (in my own mind), so it would be quite fun and fascinating to compare myself to someone who actually makes money from their writing. Then, obviously, I would write a novel myself and make at least as much money as that already-published author. I would be even more rich and famous than whomever! THEY would be compared to ME! But of course, I’d never forget the people who knew me way back when, those who read my humble blog back when I was just starting out. I’d always give them credit for helping me along my way. Maybe I’d even write my novel about them. About them reading my blog, I mean. Oh, the possibilities are endless!
So went my fantasy (I have quite a vivid imagination. Evidently.).
I eagerly submitted a piece of my writing to the website. It specifies that a couple of paragraphs are better than a tweet. That’s good, I thought. I don’t have a Twitter account, so the only tweeting I do is when I mimicking a bird.
The result came back in a flash. I write like …
… Dan Brown.
Effing Dan Brown.
The man whose writing everybody loves to mock. The man who is responsible for “The Da Vinci Code” and “Angels and Demons” (I almost typed “Angles” there. Freudian slip anybody?) The man who, despite selling gazillions of copies of these far-fetched, formulaic novels, is one of the worst writers I have ever read – even amongst the elementary school set. The guy’s writing is really BAD! Just google something like “Why is Dan Brown’s writing so terrible” and you’ll have a plethora of hits on various sites where you can sample the awfulness yourself. I’m certainly not alone in my opinion.
And I apparently write like he does.