Gift horse

Last Christmas at my mom’s place, late into the evening, I noticed PG and DD deep in conversation. I was sitting on the opposite side of the room, but I could still hear a lot of what they said. This would be mainly because, as I said, it was late in the evening and more than one alcoholic beverage had been consumed. And as we all know, that word “volume” on the bottle refers not only to the amount of liquid in the bottle, but also to how much louder the drinker of said liquid becomes.

DD was scolding PG because they had never exchanged birthday presents. She seemed quite appalled that despite the fact that PG and I have been a couple for at least a third of her young life, he has never given her anything for her birthday. He retorted that she had never given him anything either, so they were even. They sat silently for a moment, DD pondering this true fact. She then announced that from now on, she was going to give him a birthday gift and she expected him to reciprocate. He made the usual half-hearted protestations that men make, but finally, he agreed.

Fast forward to last night. PG and I were chatting on the phone, mostly about the hockey playoffs. At one point I mentioned something about having to drop over to my mom’s the next day so that she could give DD her birthday gift.

PG stopped. “Birthday?” he queried.

“Birthday,” I confirmed.

“Tomorrow is her birthday? May 7th?” he asked.

Again I confirmed. So far, he was batting a thousand.

“And what am I getting her?”

“Well, PG, I don’t know what you’re getting her. What are you getting her?” I replied.

He paused a beat.

“Well, I guess I’m not getting her jewelry. I haven’t even got you any jewelry! It really wouldn’t look good if I got her jewelry before I got you jewelry. You’d be pretty upset!”

Another pause. I could almost hear the backup buzzer.

“Aaaaand … that would be a lesson learned.”

“Um, not exactly, PG,” I answered thoughtfully. “You see, if you bought her jewelry before me, I’d kill you, and dead people don’t learn lessons, do they?”

Anyway, happy birthday DD! I hope you like all your presents – especially whatever the heck PG gets you!

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7 responses to “Gift horse

  1. Very sensible gifts.

  2. I can’t wait to see what he comes up with. Something electronic would probably be the smart bet.

    • XUP – He got her some Chevron and Esso gift cards, so she can fill her gas-tank a couple of times. Quelle surprise, isn’t it, coming from a man whose nickname is “Porsche Guy”!

  3. Men. My husband seems sort of clueless too and would like me to buy the presents for his family but I’m not good at it and I think he should be doing it. At Christmas he always waits until Christmas Eve when everything is gone. What are you going to do?

    • Katy – When DD was a bit younger, I used to phone my Ex and suggest that we go in together to get her a BIG gift, which he always agreed to. We got her gifts like a mobile phone and a printer for her laptop – but obviously, your girls aren’t quite at that stage. Still, it was pretty good, because together we were able to get her better (more expensive!) gifts than either of us were willing to get her on our own.

      Linda – Oh, I know that story too! The best way I’ve found to combat that and still ensure that gifts are bought (so I can save face, of course!)is to say “I’ll pick up the gift cards for your family. You owe me “X” dollars. Now.”

      And Porsche Guy did come through in the end: he got Darling Daughter gift cards for gas for her car. She was thrilled!

  4. My ex husband quite frequently asks me what to get for the children. He used to get his secretaries to buy stuff. Now he actually buys it himself, but just doesn’t think about it. He refuses to buy them clothes on the grounds that he does not know what size they are. Given that kids clothes in the UK are based on age and both are in their age/height range it would not be too much of a stretch. He still refuses. Go figure. Still, my dad still brings my mum’s gifts to me to wrap up for him!

  5. LOL… classic.