All by myself

Okay, I’m pretty much done with the holiday season. I just can’t do any more social activities right now. I need some time home alone to recharge my batteries.

I like being around people, really I do. I just don’t like it all the time. I’m one of those people who gets quite cranky when she doesn’t have time to herself. Ask anybody who knows me well and they will agree that yes, Pinklea does get short-tempered and snippy at times, but after some alone time, she comes back and is way more fun to be around. (Mom, DD and PG are all nodding vigorously right now – I can feel the vibes!)

The problem is that this is tough to do at Christmas. I have had some fun activity involving other people every single day since December 19, and although I have thoroughly enjoyed myself (and also got thoroughly spoiled with my birthday and Christmas gifts, I must add), I need a break. Just a day. Just to hang out or watch TV or mess about on the Intarnets or read or have a bubble bath or go for a long walk or something, but I want to be alone right now. My energy level and cheerfulness quotient seem to depend upon this.

And it’s not that any of the people that I have seen over the past while have been particularly draining or difficult to be around. No, no. I have been smart enough and/or lucky enough to surround myself with great friends and a wonderful family, so that has nothing to do with it. It’s just me. I’m just made this way.

According to my mother, I have been this way my whole life. I would play, play, play with my friends – then come home and close myself up in my bedroom for a day or so, emerging only to eat or use the bathroom, I guess. And my parents understood this, and let me be. I can only imagine how snarky I might have been if they hadn’t accepted my need for occasional solitude! But luckily, that’s never happened.

DD is the same way, fortunately. Even as a two- or three-year-old, she was perfectly happy to be playing alone in her room or in some far corner of the house. Her dad or I would check on her frequently, of course, but she was always fine. If she needed something, she would come to one of us, but she was very content on her own. And as I write this, she is closeted in her office, and has been all afternoon. We’ll see each other at dinnertime – maybe. If she’s hungry.

I suppose I simply enjoy my own company. I’m not afraid to be by myself, and in fact, will search out opportunities to do this even when I’m in a large group. And being by myself is most emphatically NOT time spent grocery shopping or cleaning the house or doing any type of chore. It is all about doing a pleasurable activity of my own choice, with only me there.

So PG has gone, DD is alone upstairs, and I’m alone here with my laptop. And that makes me happy!

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8 responses to “All by myself

  1. I so get it. Tonight, January 3, is the first time I’ve had to myself (well, Mr. Jazz is here, but that’s ok) since about the 20th. I’m actually happy to be getting back to work tomorrow cause I don’t have to see anyone for the next week!!!

    • Jazz – Wow, you must absolutely be in withdrawal and longing for some solitude! I hope you recuperate – remember, copious amounts of wine and bubble baths will speed the process along.

  2. You are a person after my own heart.

  3. Nora – I love your line: “home alone in my own head”! That’s exactly it! I’m going to use that line in the future – but I’ll give you credit, of course.

    VioletSky – Interesting, isn’t it, that some of us are totally zapped by all the energy emanating from other people, while others of us are renewed by the same thing.

    XUP – Oh, to be home entirely alone! Bliss! But maybe we love it so much because we know that it’s only temporary and the kid will be home at some point??

  4. Totally agree with you and the other two loners.We should form a club and then never hold meetings. I need lots and lots of alone time. I pretty much work alone all day although there are people around and I still get a little thrill when I come home and know the child is away for the evening or weekend.

  5. I am exactly the same way. When I went back to school (at 35) and had to be with so many different people all day, every day, and had a room-mate, I was so exhausted and anxious from all that energy around me. It showed.

  6. I know so very well what you mean, because I’m put together in a very similar way. I treasure my alone time with nothing important to do. Just being home alone in my own head is a wonderful thing. Nobody needs to come visiting there.