It was Porsche Guy’s company’s Christmas party last weekend. They put it on in a downtown hotel, and it’s a lavish dinner and dance. There are door prizes and a fifty-fifty draw. It’s all free – well, up to your first two drinks. After that, you have to pay an exhorbitant amount for a drink, unless you’ve been savvy enough to save the dinner wine. The hotel also offers a reduced room rate for the night, which we have always taken advantage of, because who wants to be the designated driver at a Christmas party if there’s another choice?
Anyway, we ate and drank and danced for hours, then staggered up to our room at about 1 a.m. PG dropped into bed immediately, having imbibed a good deal more than I had. I leisurely removed my make-up, brushed my teeth, drank several glasses of water (the best way to combat the dehydration of too much alcohol), then slipped into bed myself.
Now, it needs to be said here that I do not sleep well in a warm room. I will fall asleep, but I will not stay asleep. Although I am normally a fairly cold person, I sleep best if the room temperature is well below 20º C – like maybe 15º C. I have always been like this, and so I am quite a fanatic about turning the thermostat down at night (and thereby saving tons of energy, thank you very much). However, this is not so simple in a hotel room. I did look at what I thought was the thermostat, but it didn’t seem to have anything to adjust on it, so I left it alone, hoping that I would sleep well regardless.
I was wide awake at 6 a.m. After five hours of sleep. After eating and drinking and dancing for many hours prior to that. And I felt fine. I just had to go to the bathroom and I was also very thirsty.
PG was snoring oh-so-gently, so I didn’t turn on any lights as I tiptoed to the bathroom. I did what I had to do there, then I went back to bed. To not sleep some more.
At 7 a.m., I decided to have another drink of water. Then I had to pee again. Then I went back to bed. PG barely moved.
At 7:30, I was hot and uncomfortable, so back I went for more water. This time, I also picked up the bill that the hotel staff had slid under the door and placed it on the table so we could look at it in the morning. But wait – it was morning! Time to check the weather outside!
I cautiously moved toward the floor-to-ceiling windows and peeked behind one of the curtains. Nice! Sunny outside!
I made sure the curtain was completely closed, then carefully started to make my way back to my side of the bed – and tripped over a pair of shoes. I tried to be quiet, but I’m sure I made some noise. I rubbed my toes where I’d bonked them into the shoes, then tried to continue my slow progress back to the other side of the room.
And tripped over ANOTHER pair of shoes! With the same toes! So much for being quiet.
“What kind of person would leave TWO fucking pairs of shoes in the MIDDLE of the fucking room?!” I shouted.
I kicked all four shoes against the wall – THUD – and stomped noisily back to bed, not caring any more whether I disturbed PG.
Half an hour later, he rolled over and said only, “The mouth on you!”
I felt like throwing the shredder he had won as a door prize into his face.